So, it begins again.
Katherine's turning two and we were never NOT trying to make her a sibling. In fact, I've spent several months peeing on ovulation sticks and writing things down on my secret, hot pink Google Calender... the one that's snarkily labeled: "Sarah's High-Tech Period Tracking System". I amuse myself.
There are internet rumors and little old ladies that lean in and tell you that Babies Beget Babies: that something magical happens when you grow a human being in your womb. Maybe while that tiny person grows into an enormous, big-headed baby, she also might whisper sweet nothings to your ovaries and give pep talks to your endometrium. I don't deny that's true. I've seen it happen many times. However, I think Katherine was busy playing X-box and planning world domination during that part of her gestation. ;)
Fear not! I am so much less of a basketcase right now than I was while we were trying to conceive Katherine. Comparatively, I'd say I'm downright relaxed! The thought of "no siblings" is INFINITELY less devastating than the thought of "no babies". Katherine fixed a lot of things - just not my reproductive system.
I couldn't have planned it this way if I'd tried, but my annual pap happened to fall on the same day that I got a positive ovulation test last month. I was ecstatic. I printed out my charts and labeled the hell out of them. I had them analyzed, highlighted, and memorized the way some people can rattle off baseball stats. But my OB... my favorite physician in the world... could not have been less interested. She didn't even look at my charts before reassuring me that everything was fine (it's not), and I was kind of crushed.
Infertility is not her jam. She is the best obstetric cheerleader and baby deliverer ever of all time. And if I had a normally functioning reproductive system, I'd see her until I walked with a cane and my old arthritic hips wouldn't go up in those stirrups anymore.
Half an hour south of Richmond, there's a Pro-Life OB/GYN group that SPECIALIZES in FERTILITY. Where no one thinks you're crazy if you don't want to grow babies in a petri dish or take birth control pills. In the words of my sister-in-law: "A pro-life fertility doc?! That's awesome!!! She's like a unicorn. Magical and rare. She'll probably just touch you and magically impregnate you with her rainbow powers!!!! (I'm not being facetious. Very excited about this.)"
So Katherine was walking around shushing her baby dolls, and it was getting to me. At the dinner table one evening, Rob asked her if she wanted a brother.
"Yes. Brudder." she said.
"...Or a SISTER?!" I said... giving Rob my best Stabby Eyes.
"Brudder." she said.
I couldn't take it anymore. I called them. They sent me 20 pages of information and forms to complete. 20 pages.
On the first page was this:
"Our practice never uses the diagnosis of infertility, and we suggest that you eliminate it from your vocabulary, too!"
At first, I snorted. How cheesy.
But then I considered this for a second. If they never use the diagnosis of infertility, that means my insurance will pay for this evaluation. If they never use the diagnosis of infertility, it means they actually *want* to get to the bottom of that damn question that no one has ever been interested in answering: WHY!
And I couldn't help it. I burst into tears.
Katherine has never cared if I cried before, and she surprised me by suddenly noticing: "Crying! Mommy? Crying! Time Out!" She took my hand and lead me to her Time Out spot, so I could get my shit together. Rob wandered in and asked why I was sitting in the middle of Katherine's room crying/laughing. Katherine answered, "Time Out." pointing at me.
You see? Fertility problems post-baby? SO MUCH BETTER!
This new office has signed me up for a lesson this weekend on a new (to me) charting system: The Creighton Model, and once I have 60 days of charting, I'll go meet Dr. Hemphill. She will actually look at my charts. Whether Dr. Hemphill is secretly a Unicorn and whether or not a rainbow baby magically appears in my womb, we shall see. That would be nice, but let's not be greedy. ;)