Five Camels

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day

Rob asked me a few weeks ago, "So, Um... are we celebrating Mother's Day this year?"
"Absolutely Not. Mother's Day is Stupid." came my quick reply. "Maybe we'll go get a frappe. But if you buy me a card and flowers I will cut you."

Before Katherine, Mother's Day hurt my heart... like... stabbed me in the heart repeatedly just to make sure I was feeling it. Had I not been Catholic, I wouldn't have previously left my house on Mother's Day. But there's that whole "Mortal Sin" thing with not going to mass on Sunday... darn consequences... sooooo... I went. It sucked and I cried. Every year. A never-ending Groundhog's Mother's Day of suckiness.

Katherine's existence healed my heart. Suddenly, life stopped hurting. She healed me so completely that I often forget how much pain I was in. But then today... I sat in that pew, holding my wiggle-worm and again, I almost cried. But this time because it hit me again. I am SO. lucky.

10 minutes later I was outside the chapel where the Parents of Loud Babies all congregate, and a Little Old Lady with a full bladder passed me on the way to the bathroom.

"Happy Mother's Day, Dear!"she said.
"Thank you." I said... and maybe I gave her a surprised look on accident. Mass was so quiet at that moment and I didn't expect to be spoken to. I'm also still perpetually surprised that I'm a mom... so there's that...
...she quickly asked, "Are you her Mother?"
"Yes!"
"She's beautiful. Happy Mother's Day!"
"Thank you!"

{I am so lucky. I am so lucky.}

We got home from mass and there was a message on the answering machine. Rob checked it first and told me to check it, saying, "It's really nice," smiling, and not making eye contact the way he does when he knows I'm about to receive something wonderful. I expected it to be from someone in my family. I expected to "awww" and call them back, etc. But then Dr. Daush's voice came on the line... just to wish me a Happy First Mother's Day. Saying she knew how special her First Mother's Day was, and she just wanted to make sure mine was full of love. I sat down and burst into happy tears. I mean, maybe she's a saint and she spends her whole Mother's Day calling all of her first time parents, but that was really special.

My beef with Mother's Day is partially the usual yadda yadda Hallmark Holiday nonsense that can be applied to Valentine's Day/Father's Day/No Pants Day/etc. Yes, Motherhood is a thankless job. Mothers deserve a day to be pampered and recognised for the hard work they do. I'm glad we have a day set aside to thank the wonderful women who raised us. I just think that... for me... it will always be a day to remember how lucky *I* am. What a miracle it is that Katherine is here. That is something I'd like to celebrate.

Friday, April 26, 2013

The Post I've Re-Written 12 times (but still might offend everyone)

I am suffering from a bit of ennui with blogging.

There is, of course, a "Lack Of Time" issue... I work full time, and then when I get home, I'm soaking up my minutes with Katherine. At night, after Katherine goes to bed, I'm studying to take my PA boards (for the 6 year re-certification cycle)... and GOSH studying has gotten so much harder since the last time I was in school. So my limited internet time involves a little Pinterest, a little Feedly, and email.

So there's the lack of time issue, but it's more than that. Blogging used to be kind of like a Grown Up Girl's Sleepover: we'd braid each other's hair, and whisper late into the night about Decorating and our Grown-Up Dreams. Blogging, I think, has changed. I don't like what's happening to it. It's becoming so... sponsored. I get it. I understand why people want to make money off of their writing. I just miss the days when we could blog about makeup and handbags without anyone wondering if we were being paid to do so.

Facebook... sigh... Facebook makes me ill. Too many emotions flying around. Too much noise. I almost never check Facebook. Every time I do, I wish I'd spent those 5 minutes doing sit-ups or eating broccoli or something.

I want to fill my life with happy things and shut out the noise.

I like the noise that Pinterest brings to my life. That's fun, inspiring noise. I started Instagramming this week. It's nice to see the little clips of people's lives.

Are you on Instagram? Tell me your 'Grammy name... I'd love to follow you!

My name on both Instagram and Pinterest (and Gmail!) is: secmeyers

I guess... even if we are mostly filtering out the bad stuff on Pinterest and Instagram... even if it is a little skewed toward "Peppy"... it's still REAL stuff. It's kind of like counting your blessings: a delicious cupcake, a fun new outfit, a pretty room, the occasional ridiculous crying baby. For now, this stuff is free of sponsors. No one's paying you to instagram that cupcake (probably?), it's just beautiful and very delicious. As is your crying baby. ;)

I'm not going away. I'm still reading your blogs. I still like typing on the internet. I still enjoy sharing little clips of my life, and I'm still going to post occasionally on Five Camels. But I felt I owed you an explanation as to where I am. Come hang out with me. I know I'm late to the party, but Instagram is really fun!

My lovely blog readers... you can't possibly know how much I love you. You helped me stand up straight when my ovaries knocked me down. You cheered me on through house hunting, infertility treatments, and bad paint choices. I swear I could HEAR the roar of your excitement through my computer monitor when I peed on a stick and found two lines, and I still (STILL!) get all teary over all the beautiful things you sent Katherine last spring. Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for loving my daughter. I love you.